Trip
by bookwormgirlLH
Summary: Neil's taking Rick, Mike and Neil to Center Parcs - what could possibly go wrong? Nothing of course - if you don't count fighting, getting ill and the car breaking down!
1. Chapter 1: Sunday Morning

Chapter One – Sunday Morning

"Guys!" screamed Neil as he ran up the carpet-less stairs to the landing. "I've got, like, the most amazing news ever!"

"Neil?" said a tired, confused and somewhat agitated Rick as he walked out of his bedroom, wearing nothing but a filthy vest and a pair of more grey than white underpants. It was obvious that he had just woken up, for his short brown hair was sticking up and he was rubbing his tired eyes as he spoke with his very obvious speech impediment. "Neil, what are you screaming about? It`s only ten o'clock on a Sunday, you know, and some of us want a lie in. Isn't that right, Vyvyan?" he said as Vyvyan sauntered out of his bedroom (which was opposite Rick`s) wearing a full daytime outfit with just a striped pyjama top over it, swigging from an almost empty bottle of vodka as he went.

"What?" said Vyvyan, clearly not listening. As he and Rick spoke Neil stood impatiently, trying to rub a stubborn stain out of his shirt sleeve.

Rick sighed. "I said it`s only ten o'clock on a Sunday and some of us want a lie in." He snorted and gave an irritating laugh. "For Cliff`s sake Vyvyan, do you ever listen to a word anyone says?"

"Yes, I do, Rick, but not to you because you're very, very boring." A smile appeared on Vyvyan`s face as he thought up a violent plan – but as it did he drained his bottle of vodka so the other two couldn't see it. "Duck!" he said suddenly.

"What Vy-" Rick was cut off by an empty vodka bottle to the side of the head. He tripped as he stumbled back and managed to fall backwards over the banister. As Rick landed with a thud he screamed "OUCH!" and began to whimper.

"But it seems that I'm not the only one who doesn't listen, poof!" Vyvyan shouted triumphantly over the banister, knowing, and also showing Rick, that he had won the battle.

"Look, guys, seriously, like, you should totally listen to me." said Neil, getting desperate.

"But we don't want to hear what you have to say, Neil." said Vyvyan.

"Yeah, hippie," added Rick, standing up and testing if his limbs still worked. "It`s you`re fault that I fell down the stairs, so, no – I don`t want to hear what you have to say either." He began to walk up the staircase slowly, for his leg was causing him pain.

Neil took his chance. "My parents are giving me a weekend at Centerparcs for me and my girlfriend." He gabbled.

"But you haven't got a girlfriend, Neil." Said Rick, now halfway up the stairs.

"Yeah, girls hate hippie boyfriends." Added Vyvyan.

"Well, even though you guys are always so mean and heavy towards me, and wouldn't even notice if I disappeared, I'm going to take you."

Rick and Vyvyan stopped glaring at Neil, their expressions softening as they took it in.

"Centerparcs." Rick said slowly, as if he couldn't believe it. "I haven't been on a trip for eight whole years – wow – thanks Neil". When he noticed that Vyvyan wasn't thanking Neil, he added, "Say thank you, Vyvyan."

"Thank you, Vyvyan." He mumbled. Then Vyvyan raised his voice, "Neil, are there many girls there?"

"I don't know, Vyv. I guess so." Replied Neil.

"Because the whole point of going on holiday is picking up totally gorgeous girls." Vyvyan grinned.

"Yeah..." Said both Rick and Neil, sounding slightly wistful.

"I'm going to tell Mike!" Rick babbled, hobble-running up the second flight of stairs to Mike's bedroom.

"Mike!" He shouted as he burst into the room. Rick focused on the bed and saw Mike lying asleep with a woman in his arms. Quickly, Rick ran out of the room – before something occurred to him and he walked, slowly, back in.

"Mike?" Rick asked, confused. "Is that a real woman?"

Mike jerked awake at the sound of Rick's voice. He glared at him. "How dare you question that, Rick," Mike replied, outraged, "she's my girlfriend."

"Is it?" Said Rick, unconvinced. He took a step forward, looking at the woman closely.

"No," Mike said agitatedly. "What was it you wanted?" He sighed.

"I thought not – 'cause it's an inflatable woman, isn't it?" Rick giggled irritatingly.

Mike didn't answer.

"Does that mean you're still a virgin?" Asked Rick, with a snort.

"Of course not – just get on with it Rick." He said firmly, although he didn't think that Rick believed him.

"Neil's taking us to Centerparcs!" Rick screamed, the excitement overwhelming him.

"That's great Rick, but please remember, it is a Sunday morning and some of us would appreciate a lie in."

"Of course, Mike, sorry Mike." Rick scuttled out of the large and very empty room.

"Well, as you've awoken me I think I'll make a start on the Sunday papers." Mike said cheerfully. He climbed out of his bed and walked down the two flights of stairs in his pink teddy bear pyjamas, with Rick following close behind.

Mike picked up the huge stack of newspapers and staggered into the drawing room. He dropped the pile on the floor and sat at the kitchen table. Picking up the first one, he began to read.

Rick walked over to the hob and, as he noticed the empty kettle, he screamed at the top of his voice, "Neil! Neil, were's our tea?!"

"Why don't you try, maybe, like, making it yourself, Rick?" Neil yelled from upstairs.

"You think I should make the tea, do you, Neil? But if my memory's correct, and I'm very sure that it is, you always make the tea – SO MAKE OUR TEA FOR CLIFF'S SAKE!" Rick screamed the last part with all his might.

"Do you want me to be all, like, kind, even though you're so heavy, and take you to Centerparcs, Rick?" Called Neil.

That shut Rick up.

"I'm very sorry, Neil, I'll, I'll make the tea." Rick said sycophantically, sighing under his breath.

Neil punched the air with triumph, narrowly missing Vyvyan's head as he walked out of the bathroom, his freshly polished forehead studs gleaming. Despite this, Vyvyan just carried on walking and went back into his tip of a bedroom. He hadn't made his bed and his dirty clothes and underwear were strewn across the bare floorboards. There was a large hole in one corner, and in another his hamster Special Patrol Group's cage sat on the only remaining piece of carpet.

Vyvyan was clearly being very lazy, for he went over to the hole and jumped down, landing next to the fridge – scaring Mike and Rick awfully as he did so.

Mike managed to rip the newspaper he was reading in half as his hands jerked apart and Rick dropped the almost full bottle of milk on the floor at his feet, sending milk and glass skidding across the dirty lino. He jumped backwards as milk sprayed his bare feet and glared at Vyvyan.

"Why can't anyone in this house be normal?" Rick thought aloud. He then spoke to the scowling Vyvyan, "There is a staircase, y'know, Vyvyan. Could you maybe use it the next time you want to come downstairs and not just jump through that ridiculous hole?" Rick asked, actually sounding mature for once.

"But my way's easier." Vyvyan replied.

"Guys, could you, like, shut up for a moment, please?" asked Neil, who, until now, the others hadn't noticed, as he sat on the old red sofa. "I've found the Sunday omnibus of, you'll never guess what, right, of 'Bastard Squad'."

The others shut up and came to sit down with Neil. As Rick was last, he sat, moaning, on the rickety chair.

"This's Monday's one." Explained Neil. "We missed it when Rick had gastroenteritis, remember?" He certainly remembered the awful palaver when Vyvyan discovered, using his medical textbook, that Rick had gastroenteritis, and they had to rush him to the doctors: Vyvyan had almost crashed the car; Mike got slapped when he tried to chat up the receptionist; Rick had a very embarrassing consultation in which he had to take off his shirt whilst the male doctor prodded his sore abdomen; and Neil got even more depressed then usual when he was forced into Vyvyan by a shoving crowd and Vyvyan had been very nasty to him. When they got home that night, they found that they'd missed 'Bastard Squad', Neil had to clean the toilet after Rick had been in there – which was unpleasant to say the least -, and they had to force a screaming Rick to take his medication. As he wasn't in hospital, it was obvious to Neil that Rick had only a mild case, and was back to his spoilt, obnoxious and downright rude self by Thursday. Neil shuddered at the memory.

"It wasn't gastr- gastro-" Rick began.

"Gastroenteritis." Interjected Vyvyan, pronouncing the medical jargon with ease.

"It wasn't gast-ro-en-te-ri-tis," Rick repeated, breaking down the long word so he could enunciate it. "It was just a stomach upset. You know me – I always have a runny bottom." Rick gave a nervous laugh and hoped that they'd believe his obvious bluff.

"Liar!" Said Vyvyan, shattering Rick's hopes of no questions asked. "Three reasons: one, you had all of the symptoms of gastroenteritis; two, you're medication said 'for patients with gastroenteritis'; and three, you were screaming in agony and had the worst diarrhoea in the history of the world – both of which only happen when you have it. So," Vyvyan paused, grinning cruelly, "Rick's a baby – he had to go to the doctors for a 'wunny bottom'." He said, copying Rick's speech impediment. Mike, Vyvyan and Neil all started laughing – but Rick didn't.

"NO I DIDN'T!" Rick screamed, and an all day argument erupted, meaning that all of them would be skipping university the next day, and that they missed 'Bastard Squad' for the second time.


	2. Chapter 2: Friday morning

Chapter 2 - Friday morning

Three weeks went by, and on Friday morning, the four students were excited – and also hacked off that they still had to spend six hours at Scumbag College before they could go to Centerparcs.

Mike was busy packing his Speedo and all of, what he thought were, his sexy clothes into his suitcase. He didn't bother to pack for university, for he was going to travel there with the others, but then skive – like he usually did.

Vyvyan was struggling to cram all of his filthy clothes into a black bin liner, and to pack his tatty and partially destroyed books into his ripped satchel. SPG squeaked in his cage and Vyvyan put him upon his bed with his bin bag, so he would remember him later.

Neil had finished packing his very small amount of clothing and placing his books in his string bag, and was busy painting his new astrological star chart. This was the fifth one that he'd made since they moved in, for they had all been destroyed in various ways, including: being burned by Vyvyan, ripped to shreds by Rick, and obliterated by Mike every time loaned money had not been paid back to him.

Rick was rushing around his bedroom, completely freaking out when he couldn't find his sociology essay. His slightly girly looking pink and white striped bag lay open on his bed and Rick crammed several pairs of trousers, socks and pants, as well as shirts, his jacket, his swimming trunks and his pyjamas, into it. He then struggled down the stairs with armfuls of books, essays and pens in a tall pile, which was balanced precariously in his arms. He'd almost reached the hall when Vyvyan barged past him, with Mike and Neil following close behind, overbalancing him and sending his stuff flying.

Screaming insults at Vyvyan, Rick picked up all of his things and crammed them into his old school bag that, for some reason, was hanging from the knob on the end of the banister.

Meanwhile, Mike was playing his favourite game of 'she loves me, she loves me lots' with the cornflakes; Vyvyan was covering his bowlful with ketchup; and Neil was hunting through the depths of the foul fridge for the bottle of milk. Wandering into the kitchen, Rick grabbed the ketchup from Vyvyan's hands.

"That's my ketchup, Vyvyan, so give up on trying to put it on your cornflakes – because it belongs to me. And an-" Bored with Rick's ranting, Vyvyan smacked him across the face with his filthy hand, knocking Rick backwards into the fridge door. The door slammed shut, trapping Neil inside the fridge.

Not surprisingly, Rick and Vyvyan ignored the suffocating Neil, and it wasn't until Mike went to the fridge thirty seconds later to hunt for the milk that Neil was able to emerge, gasping for air.

Despite his lack of breath, the first thing that usually organised Neil said was: "Guys, we're, like, going to be late" as he looked at his wristwatch.

Like they had super speed, they grabbed their very different bags and ran out of the door.


	3. Chapter 3: Friday Afternoon

Chapter 3 – Friday afternoon.

University couldn't have been slower for the three students who actually attended it that day, and they all got yelled at for not paying attention. When they fled back home after the bell went, Neil ran through a quick checklist:

"Ok, guys, seriously, like, SHUT UP!" Neil screamed. Rick and Vyvyan, shocked, instantly stopped arguing about whose bag was the most gay and turned to face a very red Neil. None of them had ever heard him shout like that before.

"This is very important, guys." Said Neil, calming down. "We need to do a checklist so we don't have to, like, turn around and come, like all the way back to get something." He took a deep breath. "Food, check. Swimming trunks?"

"Check." They all said together.

"Clothes?"

"Check."

"Unfortunately," Neil sighed. "SPG?"

"Check." Said Vyvyan, holding up the cage and revealing his sleeping hamster.

"Good, so, like, let's go!" Announced Neil, with a cheer.

They all hurried out to Vyvyan's yellow Ford Anglia which had painted flames up its sides – they showed Vyvyan's personality well, for they were fiery, just like him.

Vyvyan let Mike sit in the passenger seat and sat in the driver's seat himself.

"But Vyv, all the luggage is, like, blocking up the boot." Protested Neil, standing next to the car.

"Look, Neil, just get in, there's room – look, Rick's in already." Said Vyvyan irritably, pointing at a scowling Rick, who was squashed in backwards with SPG's cage in front of him so he couldn't stretch out his legs. Neil, hesitantly, climbed in, shutting the boot door behind him. Vyvyan started the car, and off they went.

"Isn't this exciting?" Said Rick, bouncing up and down with anticipation.

"Stop it Rick. You'll knacker my suspension." Complained Vyvyan.

"It's already knackered." Rick replied. "Hey!" He said as an idea popped into his head. "Let's sing! 'Everybody needs a summer holiday'" He sang. "'Peace and qui'- OW, Vyvyan!" He yelled as Vyvyan smacked his head in.

"My car, my rules," said Vyvyan as he turned back to face the road "and I say no Cliff Richard songs."

"Well, could you put the radio on? I'm bored." Moaned Rick.

"But we've only been driving for ten minutes, Rick." Said Mike, astonished.

"I'm still bored." Rick decided to pass the time by sleeping, his head leaning on a stack of bags to his left.

The car drew up next to a blue range rover at the next set of traffic lights and Mike leaned out of his window to talk to the driver – a blonde woman.

"Hello love, I'm Mike." He announced. The woman said something very rude and sped away as soon as the lights turned green.

"Rude." Muttered Mike and he, too, decided to nod off.

"Ummmmmmmmmm..." droned Neil as he began to meditate, his eyes closed. "...mmm..."

"Neil, please shut up – do I need to add another rule onto the 'my car, my rules' list?" asked an agitated Vyvyan, still facing the road, Mike's sleeping head nodding on his shoulder.

"...mmmmmm..." continued Neil, not listening to a word anyone said.

"I'm bloody sick of this." Vyvyan thought aloud as he stopped at a massive queue on the motorway. "Neil, for God's sake, will you just SHUT THE HELL UP YOU STUPID HIPPIE!" Vyvyan roared, and he turned in his seat, picked up an empty bottle from behind Rick and smashed it over the top of Neil's head. Glass shards flew all around the car and Neil stopped 'umming' as he slumped backwards, totally unconscious.

Vyvyan turned back around, grinning triumphantly, and, after adjusting the head of the somehow still sleeping Mike – which had fallen onto Vyvyan's lap when he had turned around - by making it lean against the left window, he began to drive again as the queue subsided. He chuckled to himself as he realised that the rest of the journey was going to be calm and Rick and Neil free.

* * *

Neil came around just as the car was pulling up to a booth at the Elverdeen Forest check in point. Through the strange fog partially obscuring his vision, Neil could see Rick stretching and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Mike fumbling with a mound of documents that were practically falling out of the dashboard, and Vyvyan having a shouting match with a very loud Welsh-sounding woman.

"...I don't care what you say; we have a villa booked, so if...!" Vyvyan continued to shout his mouth off as Neil leaned out of Vyvyan's window. The fog instantly cleared as Neil breathed in the fresh air of the forest and breathed out the musty air from Vyvyan's disgusting car.

"...but the villa that you speak is booked with the name Neil Pye..." The woman continued, talking instead of shouting now she saw Neil's head.

"Hello," he said, head sticking completely out of the window, "I'm Neil Pye. The villa was, like, booked by my parents - Mr and Mrs Pye – but they, like, booked it for me and my girlfriend - "

"Who's ill." Cut in Mike, handing over all the documents that the woman had previously requested.

"Yeah." Continued Neil. "So I phoned ahead and changed the arrangements – bringing my three friends instead – but I've, like, still got the same villa." Neil was thoroughly confused – why hadn't she known that?

The woman tried to hand over the keys, but before Neil could take them, Vyvyan grabbed them and sped the car towards the car park.

The road was awfully bumpy, and Vyvyan driving at thirty miles an hour (instead of five miles per hour) made the car rock like a boat.

Rick curled up, beginning to groan, and Mike turned very pale as Vyvyan drove them along. He laughed loudly as they went over a pothole, which made the car the car bounce and everyone fly up about three inches into the air. This made Neil, whose head was only three inches below the ceiling, smash his skull against the hard metal. He fell back in his seat, out of it completely.

Rick swallowed the vomit that had risen up his throat and spoke in a very shaky voice that made him sound six years old. "Vyvyan, I-I think I feel sick." He clutched his abdomen as his stomach cramped violently, and heaved, clapping his hand over his mouth.

"Rick, I can assure you, that if you puke in my car – I'll kill you." Said Vyvyan, threateningly, into his cracked rear-view mirror. Luckily for Rick, he pulled into a space in the car park, and the bouncing and rocking stopped.

Climbing out of the car, Vyvyan fumbled around in the boot for his stuff, which woke up a woozy Neil, who slid out, feeling instantly better out of the heat.

Mike opened his door and stepped straight into an extremely brown puddle, swearing violently as he did so. He forgot about his nausea as he jumped about, flicking the muddy water off of his new white leather shoes.

That left Rick. Slowly, he took hold of his bag with shaking hands, and then struggled out of the Ford Anglia. After staggering no more than three steps away from the car, he was suddenly overwhelmed by nausea and doubled over, groaning. Opening his mouth, Rick was violently sick into a bush, making revolting retching sounds as he repeatedly vomited, waves of nausea stabbing his stomach again and again. When he had finally finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, feeling very weak and shivery. He wished that he really was six years old and for his mother to find him, telling him soothingly that it was alright as she mopped him up. She would then take him to his bedroom, tucking him up in his bed as he wore his pyjamas. Rick would imagine that the aeroplanes on his wallpaper were real and that he was flying around and around as he sipped from a bottle of Lucozade, really beginning to enjoy being ill...

But unfortunately for Rick, reality is often nothing like daydreaming. He picked up his bag from where he'd dropped it and hurried after the others, his legs wobbling like jelly.

* * *

After a long, long trek around Centerparcs following the supposedly great map reader Mike, they found the villa that they'd been looking for – number 823 in the Maple section. They all rushed up the path eagerly, Neil snatching the keys from Vyvyan's hands before unlocking the door, and hurried inside.

They were all so shocked as they stared around the villa that Rick and Vyvyan didn't immediately rush off to find the bedrooms like they normally did – they just stood in the hallway, astonished by how awful it looked. It was small and quite dark in the twilight, with disgusting creamy-yellow paint on the walls, and the television was tiny – barely ten inches wide.

"Where's the video, Neil?" Vyvyan asked uncertainly, his eyes darting around the room as he tried to locate the VCR.

"There isn't one, Vyv." Neil mumbled, hoping that Vyvyan wasn't going to go into a full-scale freak-out. But, unfortunately for Neil, he did.

"What do you mean?" Said Vyvyan, his voice steadily increasing in volume. "What was the point of me bringing all of my video nasties if I can't stay up all night, with Mike, and watch loads of gore and violence and sex?!" He was shouting by now, his rage visible on his face.

"Well, you couldn't actually, like, stay up all night in here because, like, this is my bedroom." Neil's change in subject worked, for Vyvyan stopped shouting and looked around the room instead.

"Why, don't you have a room?" He asked confused.

"No, Vyv," Neil took a deep breath, "because this villa only has, like, two bedrooms – one with a double bed and one with two singles – so I'm using the sofa bed and-" He was cut off by Rick and Vyvyan screaming "WHAT!" at the top of their voices.

"Yeah, I know." Said Neil, and he explained it all over again. As Rick and Vyvyan stood, frowning, in front of the TV, listen to Neil, Mike began to creep over to the double bedroom. It wasn't until they heard Mike slam the door that Rick and Vyvyan realised that they were going to have to share a bedroom.

Vyvyan swore at Mike and moaned, "Great, Rick's possibly the worst roommate ever." He turned to Neil, "Wow, Neil, thanks, this really is the best bedroom arrangement ever." He said sarcastically.

A very grumpy Vyvyan stomped through the kitchen into his shared bedroom with a huffy Rick, who had his hands on his waist, bag dangling from his left wrist, and his eyebrows raised in irritation, following close behind. They were appalled when they saw that the beds were so close together that they were actually touching, and, because of the positioning of the built in bedside tables, that they were unable to push them apart, for it would be like sharing a bed – which neither of them wanted.

Unlike Rick, who stayed in the bedroom to unpack his clothes, Vyvyan just dumped his stuff on the bed furthest from the massive window and went into the living room to try out the TV.

Meanwhile, Neil was rushing around the kitchen preparing lentils for the next day and setting four places at the dining table. He put out a very disgusting bowl of soup at each place and called the others over.

The soup was meant to be tomato but looked just like a bowl of watered-down tomato ketchup – which made Mike heave at the sight of it, for he loved tomato soup but couldn't stand ketchup. Vyvyan took one look at the bowl of ketchup-water and walked back to the sofa, pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket.

But Rick, who had lost his lunch, which he'd eaten up Scumbag College, when he'd thrown up, was so hungry that he sat down and began to eat Neil's foul concoction. He grimaced at the taste but continued to shovel it into his mouth. Even Neil didn't eat it and Rick ended up eating enough for four people – making him feel queasy yet again.

When Rick left the table and went to sit with the others, Neil stood up and faced an agitated- looking Mike, a bored – looking Vyvyan and a very pale Rick and said: "Hey, guys, who wants to, like, go swimming?" When they all ignored him, he added: "There are flumes," which caught Vyvyan's attention, "and, like, lots of girls." This made Rick and Mike perk up and they all three grabbed their stuff and were out of the door before Neil had even finished speaking.


	4. Chapter 4: Friday Evening

Chapter 4 - Friday Evening

The Sports Plaza was heaving with people and the four students had to fight their way through the crowd to get to the Subtropical Swimming Paradise.

"Flipping heck, that was hard work!" Exclaimed Rick. He paused, taking a deep breath. "Where're the changing rooms?" He asked, looking around, but before anyone could answer, a door with a male symbol on it caught his eye, and he headed towards it, saying: "Oh, the cubicles must be through here, look." He pointed at the door.

Neil, Vyvyan and Mike followed Rick and all four were horrified when what they found were communal male changing rooms.

"Oh, no." Mumbled Rick. He turned to leave, but was stopped by a man dragging a boy – who was no more than ten years old – through the doorway.

"But Dad," the boy moaned, "there's no privacy – I'm not going in." He said firmly.

"Look," his father replied calmly, "there's nowhere else, this is where we have to get changed. You don't have to worry – no one's going to look at you."

"A paedo might." The boy muttered.

"Just come on." His father said irritably.

The boy hesitantly went and dumped his stuff in the only place left, which was next to Vyvyan. He took one look at Vyvyan, who was standing there stark naked as he tried to put on his trunks, and ran out of the changing rooms, his father close on his tail.

By this point, Mike was sitting on a bench in his Speedo, with Neil beside him, his grey, knee-length trunks hanging loosely off of his skinny legs. Vyvyan pulled his tight black trunks on fully and went to join the other two – but then he noticed Rick.

Rick was standing, still wearing his shirt, with his towel wrapped around his waist as he struggled to undress without showing too much of his body. Vyvyan, deciding to be hateful, crept up behind Rick and jabbed his fingers into Rick's ribs, making him jump violently and drop the towel, exposing his bare bottom. He quickly picked up the towel and rewrapped it around himself – but not before everyone in the whole room saw him and started laughing. After hurriedly pulling up his navy knee length swimming shorts, he shuffled over to the others – who were still laughing their heads off - , snivelling as he went.

"Stop crying, Rick." Said Mike as he stood up and moved towards the exit of the changing rooms, his arms full of his clothes.

"I'm not crying." Rick mumbled, wiping his eyes fiercely with his scrunched up shirt. "See?" He looked around and, when he noticed that the others had already left, scuttled out of the room.

* * *

When Rick found them, Mike, Neil and Vyvyan were unsuccessfully trying to get their towels and clothes into a locker without them immediately falling out.

"Ah, there you are, Rick," Mike said as he noticed Rick, whose eyes were bright red – which strange in his white, sweaty face, "We could use another pair of hands."

With Rick's help, they finally managed to shut the door with all of their stuff on the inside – which was when it occurred to them that they needed a £1 coin to lock their things in.

"Oh great, now what are we going to do?" Rick cried over dramatically before being silenced by Vyvyan.

"We don't need to do anything, so just shut up, Rick."

"Good point, Vyv." Neil added. "Who'd want to,like, steal our stuff anyway – it's all filthy." The others nodded in agreement.

They all walked away from their unlocked locker and headed down to the swimming pool.

* * *

"Now, I didn't say that, Vyvyan." Said a clearly scared Rick.

"Yes you did – you said that you didn't want to go on the rapids, because you're scared." Vyvyan replied, a cruel smile on his face.

The four of them were standing in the waist deep water of the outdoor pool and, whilst Neil and Mike moaned impatiently, Vyvyan was trying to get Rick to go on the rapids - but Rick was refusing point blank to do so.

"No, I said I didn't want to do it because – because..." Rick struggled to think up a response.

"Come on, guys, lets, like, go!" Neil begged.

Rick came up with an excuse after a while. "...because I'm not a strong swimmer." He pointed to a big sign beside the entrance to the rapids. One of the symbols was an exclamation mark which had a caption below it, which read: 'Not suitable for weak swimmers.'

"But you're a, like, really strong swimmer, Rick, 'cause you, like, managed to swim the wrong way, like, the whole way, round the lazy river, which is, like, really strong because of the current." Said Neil.

"Yeah, you heard, poof." Vyvyan added smugly, "You're a strong swimmer, so get down there now."

Poor Rick was terrified and was so anxious that he repeatedly bit the knuckle of his forefinger, unknowingly showing Vyvyan the extent of his fear. When he still didn't move, Vyvyan grabbed Rick roughly by the arm and hauled him down the slope into the rapids, with Mike and Neil following close behind.

At first it was calm and no worse than the lazy river, so Rick let his guard down and actually began to enjoy himself. They were slowly slept into a perfectly still pool, which they swam through. But as they rejoined the proper raids, they went down a steep slope and were met by a really strong current that whizzed them along at an immense speed.

"Woo...!" Vyvyan screamed as he was sped along. Mike was laughing and even Neil had a huge grin on his face.

But Rick was terrified and screamed whenever he went under. One time he screamed underwater and began to choke; he was so scared that he was going to drown that when Vyvyan reluctantly pulled him back up, tears were running down his face as he coughed up mouthfuls of chlorinated water.

"God, Rick, you're such a poof." Vyvyan complained with a sigh, before whooping again as he went down another steep slope.

After thirty more seconds of zooming through the rapids, the four students were dumped into a small swimming pool that immediately pulled Vyvyan and Rick underwater with its powerful undercurrents. Vyvyan surfaced, his soaking wet hair stuck flat to his head, laughing with joy. His laughter doubled in volume as he noticed Rick thrashing around in the water, shrieking in terror. He ended up being dragged out of the water by an agitated male lifeguard, who shoved Rick down onto the slippery tiles and Mike's feet, before storming off and sitting back in his chair. Rick was howling, his eyes streaming with tears, his nose running, his face flushed bright red, and although he wiped his face on the back of his hand, Rick couldn't stop trembling.

"That was amazing, it was just like being on a power boat it was so fast!" Vyvyan exclaimed excitedly, his muscles trembling after his adrenaline rush, causing Rick to groan loudly and clutch his stomach. Noticing Rick's reaction, Vyvyan grinned cruelly and set out to make Rick feel as ill as possible, "It was just like rocking from side to side as you bounce around on the rough sea-"

Rick, much to Vyvyan's delight, heaved, the colour draining from his face, cheeks bulging, before swallowing the vomit in his mouth and stammering, "I-I need to use the lavatory.", and hurrying off to the toilets, where he stayed for a long time.

* * *

Mike was honestly starting to believe that the staircase was going on forever. He'd been climbing the steps to the white slide with Vyvyan and Neil for ten minutes now – which was down to the fact that about thirty children had been in front of him when he and the others had joined the queue. The queue suddenly moved and Mike stepped up onto the top platform. He could see the whole place from up there and it made Mike feel like he was on top of the world. The two people at the top of the slide slid down with two happy shrieks, and then it was Mike's turn to face the slide. He took the left one and Neil the right.

"Give us a push, Vyv." Neil begged as the gripped the bar at his head level, trembling in anticipation.

"Ok." Vyvyan grabbed Neil's head and pushed him down the slide, as Mike also went down, feeling very glad that he hadn't asked Vyvyan to push him. Neil smacked his head hard into the bar as he slid at an immense speed, before shooting off the end of the slide into the landing area. Vyvyan followed immediately after pushing Neil and splashed onto him, pulling them both underwater. Just after they surfaced, Mike crashed into the landing area and sent a massive tidal wave over Neil and Vyvyan.

The three of them couldn't stop laughing whenever they thought about the white slide for the rest of the night.

* * *

"That was great-"began an excitable Vyvyan as they all walked away from the Sports Plaza.

"Was it?" Cut in Rick, who'd spent a whole hour in the toilets, getting scared when the floor began to squirt water as it cleaned itself and repeatedly vomiting all over it before finally getting his head over the toilet bowl.

"Yes it was, Rick," Vyvyan continued, "it's not my fault that you were too poofy to enjoy it."

"I was NOT being poofy, Vyvyan – and, anyway, it was your fault actually, because you were the one who made me go on the rapids, which, if you recall, made me feel really ill!" Rick protested aggressively, glaring at Vyvyan.

"Poof." Vyvyan muttered under his breath.

Before any massive arguments could erupt, Neil spoke, "Should we, like, go again tomorrow, guys?"

Mike and Vyvyan both nodded enthusiastically, whist Rick scowled, shaking his head.

They arrived back at the villa and, after Neil had unlocked the door, Rick and Vyvyan immediately began to moan as they remembered the sleeping arrangements. But they only did so half- heartedly, for they were utterly exhausted, a rarity as Vyvyan and Rick were almost always hyperactive.

* * *

The villa was silent as the four students tried to sleep in their unfamiliar beds. But just as Rick was about to drop off, something occurred to him and he crept into the living room in his underwear, where Neil was laying wide awake.

"Neil?" Rick whispered a look of confusion on his tired face. "What did you mean earlier when you said that I swam the wrong way around the lazy river?" When Neil didn't respond, he hissed "Neil!" with a lot more aggression.

Neil moaned sleepily as he realised that this was going to take a lot of explaining.


	5. Chapter 5: Saturday morning

Chapter 5 - Saturday Morning

"No way." Rick protested as he sat eating corn flakes at the dining table.

"Why not, Rick, it'll be great." Said Neil, disappointed by Rick's lack of enthusiasm.

"Yeah - I love heights! I've always wanted to try the leap of faith!" Vyvyan grinned excitedly, but as he looked at Rick his expression hardened, "Or are you just too much of a poof to tr-"

"Alright, alright, I'll go." Rick muttered, sighing reluctantly.

Neil's parents, when booking the villa, had decided to book their son a few activities to do aswell. The trouble was deciding who was going to do what. Mike and Neil were going to do 'World Of Spa', and Vyvyan was thoroughly pleased about doing 'High Ropes: Leap Of Faith'. However, he wasn't looking forwards to doling so with Rick.

"You don't have to, like, completely freak out about it, Rick, because you're going to br fine." Neil said, trying to be reassuring. After being called a bastard and being told to piss off by Rick, Neil turned to Mike, who was staring into space. "Mike?" He asked, "What's, like, exactly in a spa?"

"I don't know, Neil, but it seems that you'll be finding out very soon."

"Oh yeah, sorry, Mike." Neil mumbled apologetically.

As soon as they had finished eating, the four students headed out to their very different activities.

* * *

"You know, Mike" Neil said as he sat opposite Mike in one of the many steam rooms at the World Of Spa. "I thought this would be all, like, gay and girly, but its not - its really relaxing."

Mike smiled warmly, peering at Neil's happy face through the steam, "For once, Neil, I think I have to agree with you, this really is relaxing."

But Neil and Mike failed to notice that everyone else in the steam room couldn't relax - they were crowded as far away as they could from the pair of young men, who were giving off a foul stench of unwashed student.

Neil yawned and stretched, "I wonder what Vyv and Rick are doing right now?"

"Y'know," Mike said, wiping his sweaty brow with his shirt, "Despite all his moaning, I bet you Rick's having the time of his life."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rick screamed in terror. He had managed to climb the thirty foot pole, but had got stuck as he tried to haul himself up onto the standing platform, and was now clinging on desperately with his hands, his legs dangling.

"Look, don't worry, Rick." The instructor called from the ground.

"Yes, Rick, worrying is VERY POOFY!" Vyvyan yelled.

"You're not helping, y'know, Vyvyan!2 Rick shouted, screaming again as the wind blew, making the pole wobble alarmingly.

"Just try to stay calm. Would you like me to get you down?" The instructor asked.

"Yes please." Rick closed his eyes as the constant swaying was making him feel sick, groaning softly.

"Ok, if you want to come down, you need to listen to me carefully, do you understand?" The instructor said calmly, but firmly.

"Otherwise you'll be stuck up there forever!" Vyvyan taunted.

The instructor ignored Vyvyvan, and tried to get through to Rick, who was clinging to the pole as if he couldn't let go. "Ok, Rick, I need you to put your hands on your harness -"

"What?!" Rick shouted, "If I let go of the pole, I'll - I'll fall!"

The instructor sighed. "No you won't, you'll be fine. Just take your hand off of the pole and grip your harness."

Rick took a deep breath before grabbing hold of his harness, but he screamed as he swung round and smashed his head and back into the blocks of wood jutting out of the wooden pole.

"Grow. Up. ." Vyvyan called, pronouncing every syllable separately, as if he was speaking to an idiot.

"Will you just GO AWAY, Vyvyan?!" Rick roared.

As the pair of them argued, the instructor lowered Rick to the ground.

"No, I'm not allowed to leave - the instructor told me to stand here!" Vyvyan yelled back.

"You are being VERY inconsiderate, Vyvyvan. You do realise that I'm suspended in midair and may, at any minute, fall to my dea- oh." Rick stopped ranting as his feet hit the wood bark, and he overbalanced, falling backwards onto his bottom. He was surprised, and more that a little bit suspicious, when Vyvyan offered him his hand to help him up. Rick warily took Vyvyan's hand, and Vyvyan pulled until Rick was almost upright, before letting go of him. Rick hit the ground with a thud.

"First you hurt my feelings, and now you've hurt my bottom!" Rick moaned, but he struggled out of his harness and sat sulkily on the bench, hating Vyvyvan and wishing that he had never agreed to do this stupid activity.

* * *

"Y'know, Mike, I bet that Vyv's, like, really good at the leap of faith." Neil said as they walked out of the steam room, dripping with sweat.

Mike wasn't listening to Neil - not that he usually did, he tended to zone out whenever the boring hippy talked to him - but at the moment he was pondering why they had two activities booked at the same time, when Neil's parents had presumed that only two people were coming.

"Mike?" Neil repeated uncertainly, waving his hand in front of Mike's face, making him jump.

Mike told Neil what he was thinking about and the hippy replied, somewhat reluctantly, "Well, you see, my parents wanted me and my girlfriend to have a choice, so we could pick what we felt like doing." He explained, looking embarrassed.

"But these activities cost an arm and a leg!" Mike exclaimed, sounding shocked, but also impressed.

"Do they Mike? I didn't know that." Neil replied, taking him seriously.

Mike sighed at that, "Not really you wally - it was a figure of speech." He paused, but his curiosity got the better of him. "But how did they afford four activities a day?"

"Well..." Neil mumbled awkwardly, blushing slightly, "They have quite a lot, well more than quite a lot, actually, of money." Before Mike could reply, Neil, who wanted to change the conversation, looked up and read the sign on the door in front of him, "Sauna. Mike, what's a sauna?"

"Instead of asking me, Neil, why don't you try going in to find out?" Mike suggested, sounding agitated.

"Alright - don't get uncool and heavy." Neil muttered, pushing open the door to the sauna. The wave of heat that escaped from the room hit Neil in the face like a club, turning his sweaty face scarlet, and making it hard for him to breathe, "I'm not sure that I want to go in here, Mike." He said over his shoulder.

"Why ever not, Neil?" Mike asked, pushing past Neil and walking through the doorway. "Bloody hell, it's hot in here!" He exclaimed as he, too, was hit by the searing heat. "Let's go somewhere else." He said hurriedly, and he and Neil hurried awa from the awful sauna. They headed towards the swimming pool, but Mike got distracted as they walked past the toilets.

"Can you wait here a minute, Neil?" Mike asked, and he walked towards the men's toilets, before spinning on his heels and heading towards the ladies instead. His hands were on the door when Neil hissed at him,

"Mike, Mike, those are the ladies toilets."

Turning to face the hippy, Mike spoke with an expression on his face that showed he thought Neil was a complete idiot, "I know!" and he walked straight into the ladies lavatory.

The door slammed shut, but only five seconds later, Mike was flung back out, high-pitched voices screaming abuse at him from inside the toilets. Despite this, Mike was grinning in a 'I'm satisfied now I've been a pervert' sort of way. He turned to look at Neil, who was trying, unsuccessfully, not to look impressed.

"What was it like?" Neil asked, being as nosy as he always was.

"Y'know, Neil, it was actually pretty boring."

"Why?"

"Because none of them had the decency to be naked."

The impressed look vanished from Neil's face. "Let's just, like, go before anyone sees us - we don't want to, like, get into trouble."

"You really are the most boring person I've ever been unfortunate to meet, d'you know that, Neil?" Mike said cruelly, but he said it in such a tone of voice that he could have been asking Neil for the time. Even so he followed the hippy to the pool, where they stayed for the rest of the session.


	6. Chapter 6: Saturday Afternoon

Chapter 6 - Saturday Afternoon

"You should have seen him, Michael," Vyvyan laughed, addressing Mike formally, which showed he was in a good mood. "He was such a GIRL - he kept crying and screaming and was too scared to move!"

For the last ten minutes, Vyvyan had been telling Mike and Neil about Rick's disastrous attempt at the Leap of Faith, and Rick was laying flat on the sofa, rubbing his throbbing head after being hit by Vyvyan - he had called the punk a bloody bastard for making him sound like a wimp. Mike found the whole story hilarious, but Neil, who still found the idea of Rick getting stuck funny, couldn't help feeling sorry for Rick, for he was red in the face from trying not to cry.

"Would you like some lentils, Rick?" Neil asked softly, wanting to cheer up the anarchist, for he thought Vyvyan was being unnecessarily cruel to Rick.

Rick looked up, and glared at the hippie, "No, I would NOT like some of your bloody disgusting lentils." He snapped. "So piss off, you bloody hippie!"

"Alright, don't get uncool and heavy." Neil muttered defensively, sighing.

He went back over to the table, where Vyvyan was eating lentils with a grimace on his face.

"So what are the options for this afternoon, Neil." Mike asked, pushing his lentils way from him.

"It IS the afternoon!" Rick shouted pointlessly.

Mike ignored him. "Well?" he pressed as Neil didn't answer.

"Oh, yeah." Neil mumbled, snapping out of a daydream, fishing a piece of paper out of his pocket. "At one, we have quad biking or kayaking."

"Can I do, kayaking - oh, please, can I do kayaking?" Rick cried excitedly, suddenly in a good mood, bouncing on the sofa.

"I quite fancy quad biking, Neil." Mike said, smiling slightly as he thought about it.

"Yeah, me too." Neil agreed, a rare look of excitement on his face. His smile faded as he realised what that meant, "But that means..." his voice tailed off. Rick, Mike and Neil all turned to face Vyvyan, who wasn't listening.

"What?" He said when he noticed them all staring at him. "Oh, no," he muttered as he realised what was going on. "It's not fair! Why do I always end up with that bogey bum? No way!" He shouted firmly, folding his arms.

* * *

"I hate you, do you know that?" Vyvyan muttered bitterly as he and Rick sat in a kayak in the middle of the large, deep lake. Rick was sat in the back seat, struggling to use a right-handed paddle, but he seemed to be enjoying the experience, as he was the only one bothering to paddle. Upon hearing Vyvyan's seventh spiteful comment, Rick was getting thoroughly annoyed with the punk, and, using his paddle as a scoop, tipped water all over Vyvyan's lap.

Vyvyan had been slumped in the front seat, feet sticking out in front of him, arms over the sides, hands trailing in the water, but the moment Rick splashed him with water, Vyvyan jumped in shock, making the kayak wobble alarmingly. "You stupid bastard, Rick!" He yelled, attempting to turn around in his seat, the kayak still rocking from side to side.

Rick tried to think up a comeback for the argument, but was focused only on how close their kayak was to capsizing, which terrified him, so he simply gripped the sides of the plastic kayak, whimpering in fear. When Vyvyan was fully facing Rick, he could see how scared the anarchist was by the thought of falling in, and decided against hitting him as he thought up a better method of revenge. Rick eyed Vyvyan suspiciously as the punk didn't hit him, but immediately began to scream in protest as Vyvyan slowly stood up, wobbling precariously.

"Stop it, Vyvyan!" He cried, "Sit down!" Rick pleaded, but as Vyvyan stood still, the rocking stopped, and he managed to calm down. He looked up at the punk, whose jeans now had a dark patch from the water around his groin, giving the impression that Vyvyan had wet himself, and couldn't resist winding him up. "Oh dear, Vyvyan, didn't you get to the lavatory in time?" He asked mockingly, as if Vyvyan was a toddler.

"No, Rick, my trousers look like this because a certain BASTARD tipped water all over them!" Vyvyan retorted, beginning to jump up and down on the kayak, grinning smugly as Rick's expression of terror returned.

"Will you STOP it, Vyvyan?!" Rick yelled, pushing feebly at Vyvyan's legs to try to make the punk sit down, but Vyvyan kicked him in the face for it. Rick cried out as the heavy-duty boot smacked into his face, but he noticed Vyvyan overbalance and crash into the water. He initially laughed, but when Vyvyan didn't resurface, Rick began to panic. "Vyvyan?" He said cautiously, poking his head over the side of the kayak and peering down into the murky water. "Vyvyan?!" He shouted, voce high-pitched and frantic.

When he fell in, Vyvyan had hidden under the kayak to stop himself resurfacing - for he was wearing a life jacket, if reluctantly, because even though he didn't want to wear it, the man at the kiosk wouldn't give him a kayak without wearing one first - but as he now needed to breath, Vyv let himself bob back up on the opposite side to the one Rick was leaning over. He floated i silence, trying not to laugh as he listened to Rick, who was convinced that Vyvyan had drowned.

"I'm sorry about what I said, Vyvyan." Rick said thickly through he newly formed tears. "Just please come back." He sobbed.

Vyvyan swam up to the kayak, and suddenly capsized it, cutting Rick off mid-sob as he fell head first into the water. For the few seconds he was submerged, Rick splashed blindly, unable to see, heart pounding in fear of drowning, before his life jacket pulled him back to the surface, coughing and gasping for breath. There was so much water in his ears that Rick was almost completely deaf, but he could hear one thing: Vyvyan was laughing. He swam back to the now upright kayak, where he spotted the punk back in his seat, laughing so much he was nearly in tears, and tried to climb back in too - but Rick found it much more difficult, for - if his experience at the Leap of Faith was anything to go by - he had appalling upper body strength. After five minutes of struggling and no help from Vyvyan, Rick managed to haul himself back into the kayak. Glaring at the punk, Rick grabbed his paddle and smacked Vyvyan as hard as he could with it across the face. Much to Rick's annoyance, Vyvyan didn't even flinch as the right side of his face turned an ugly shade of red, but he could tell he had crossed the line, for Vyvyan's laugher faded away and he scowled at the anarchist instead.

Without saying a word, Vyvyan picked up his own paddle and smashed it over Rick's head, instantly knocking him unconscious. Smiling contentedly, Vyvyan began to paddle slowly, shaking his head to get the water out of his ears, confident that Rick wouldn't be waking up any time soon.

* * *

Neil zoomed around the track, hair streaming, as he drove the quad bike as fast as he could, loving the adrenaline rush he so rarely felt. But as Neil turned a corner, he lost control of the bike and crashed it into one of the low walls, flying off of the bike into the forest. Neil splashed into a large muddy puddle, initially glad that the ground was so soft, for it broke his fall, but as soon as he was coated in thick, liquid mud, Neil wished he had landed somewhere else, for it smelled and felt disgusting, but what really topped it off was the key on the end of the safety cord - which had been pulled out of the engine by the force of the fall - hit him in the back of the head, knocking him forwards. When Neil sat up for the second time, he had to wipe his eyes before he could se, for his whole face was covered in mud. Muttering as many swear words as he could, Neil clamoured to his feet, and headed back over to the others in his group, after jumping the wall and unclipping the safety cord which was attached to his belt, glaring at Mike, who was trying, albeit unsuccessfully, not to laugh.

"Are you alright?" The instructor asked, and Neil nodded, feeling depressed again. After the instructor retrieved the bike, revealing Neil had made a dent in the wall, Mike found it was his turn and he hurried over to it, trying to act cool despite his childish excitement.

He soon found it was quite difficult to get onto a quad bike when you are short, and it took him three attempts at getting his leg over before he finally managed to sit upright on the bike, but once on it, all Mike had to do was plug in the safety cord, and then he was away. Mike could see why the others had been so happy whilst driving it - it was completely exhilarating and, despite what had happened to Neil, Mike just wanted to go faster and faster.

Neil watched Mike ride the quad bike perfectly, never once getting stuck or crashing like he had, and couldn't help but think bitterly about how Mike was better than him at everything. He watched Mike enviously until the shorter man reluctantly slowed to a stop, but when Mike tripped as he tried to get off of the quad bike, Neil found himself laughing - that was the only advantage, apart from being younger, Neil had over Mike, for he was over a foot taller than Mike. He forced himself to look glum again as Mike returned to sit next to him, where they sat in silence until the session was over, before heading back towards their villa.

* * *

"I told you we should have gone the other way, Mike." Neil moaned, walking stiffly in his muddy clothes. Even though the journey back to the villa should have only taken ten minutes, Mike had got them lost again, which was why now, twenty five minutes after leaving their activity, Mike and Neil were only just turning into their villa's road.

Mike sighed before inhaling deeply, preparing to reply, when he noticed two figures walking towards their villa from the opposite direction. As they got closer, Mike realised it was Rick and Vyvyan, and that, judging from the noise they were making, they were having a raging argument.

"You're bloody horrible, Vyvyan!" Rick shouted, rubbing his still throbbing head.

"Thank you, Rick." Vyvyan replied, smiling as if Rick had paid him a compliment, which mad the anarchist even angrier.

Rick turned to fully face Vyvyan, but as he did, a sharp pain shot through his jaw nd down the side of his neck, causing Rick to wince in pain and shock. Vyvyan peered closely at where Rick was now gingerly touching out of curiosity, rather than concern, wondering what was wrong with Rick, and hoping it was something bad. Rick suddenly shivered, remembering that his clothes were soaking wet from his trip on - or ,rather, in - the lake, and presuming that to be the cause of his shivers. When the pain passed, Rick went straight back into yelling at Vyvyan,

"Oh, shut up!" He yelled. "I hate you! I could have drowned, you bastard!"

"Calm down, Rick." Mike said as the two pairs met at the path up to their villa.

"I AM calm!" Rick shouted, looking and sounding nowhere near calm.

"You're not, Rick." Neil added. "I can sense it."

Rick looked at Neil for the first time, snorting at the hippie's appearance. "What happened to you - fall down a toilet?" He suggested, laughing at his own joke.

"You can talk, Rick." Neil replied huffily. "You look like you, like, had a bath without taking your clothes off."

"Well it's funny you should say that, Neil," Vyvyan said, stepping across the threshold. "Because-"

"Vyvyan!" Rick hissed, not wanting the others to know about what had happened, for it was too embarrassing.

Vyvyan shrugged, and, much to Rick's surprise, didn't elaborate, but he strolled across the villa into his bedroom and changed out of his sodden clothes, after locking the door behind him. He was just pulling on a dry, if filthy, pair of knickers when Rick came over.

"Vyvyan?" He called through the door. "Can you open the door, please?" Vyvyan ignored him, so he shouted instead. "Vyvyan! Open the door!" When Vyvyan still didn't respond, he sighed and walked away from the bedroom. Despite being alone, Vyvyan grinned triumphantly and layed back on his bed in his underwear, arms behind his head, glad to be away from that bastard for the first time that day.

By now, Neil had managed to get into the bathroom, and whilst he ran a hot bath, he was struggling to get out of his sticky, mud soaked shirt. He jumped as Rick suddenly barged in through the unlocked door, and took a towel from the rack before pulling a face at Neil and walking out again, wobbling slightly, slamming the door behind him. Raising his eyebrows, Neil quickly locked the door before sticking his hand into the water to test its temperature. As the water was too hot, Neil ran the cold tap too and continued to change out of his filthy clothes with extreme difficulty.

Rick, now in the living room, suddenly felt very dizzy and leaned against the dining table to stop himself falling over, eyes unfocused, heat pounding, until the spinning ended and he shivered again. Why couldn't he stop shivering? In his desperation to warm up, Rick turned the thermostat up by at least ten degrees celsius, struggled out of his wet clothes, and curled up on the sofa in his damp underwear, towel wrapped around his shoulders like a blanket, feeling too lazy to get up and turn on the telly.

Mike was the first person to notice the sudden temperature increase, for he was curled up in bed, trying to sleep - he'd had an awful nights sleep, for an animal, probably a squirrel, had been scampering around on his roof all night - and quickly went from warm and relaxed to horribly hot and sweaty. Sighing, Mike went out into the living room to investigate what had happened.

"Who turned the temperature up?" He asked, but as Rick was the only person in the room, the answer was obvious to Mike.

"I did." Rick said, teeth chattering.

"Why?" Mike was confused - why would anyone want to turn up the temperature in the middle of summer?

"I had to," Rick replied, "It's bloody freezing in here."

"What's up with you, Rick?" Mike asked, still puzzled. "It's so hot in here that we could be in India for all we know. Listen, I think I can hear the monsoon." Mike laughed at his own cheap joke, but Rick just looked confused. "So stop shivering, Rick, it's not cold in here, and you shivering like that is making me feel cold myself." Mike added, turning the thermostat back down to twenty degrees celsius.

"Don't do that, Mike, please." Rick pleaded. "I'm really cold."

"For God's sake, Rick, you're being a hypochondriac. There's nothing wrong with you, and I can prove it." Rick could see that Mike, usually a calm person, was getting annoyed. He took hold of Rick's wrist and placed his han on Rick's forehead, and then his own. "Do you feel a difference?"

"Well, your forehead's a lot bigger than mine and your eyebrows are a lot bu-" Rick began.

"I meant about the temperature!" Mike snapped.

Rick looked surprisingly hurt, but shrugged as if it didn't matter that Mike was getting grumpy with him, confused as to why he felt upset for no reason. "Oh, no, they were the same."

"See." Mike said, "There - is - no - thing - wrong - with - you - Rick." He pronounced every syllable separately, to try to get his message through to Rick - but he couldn't have been more wrong.


End file.
